Oh my gosh! I can't believe I'm finally on! I have had so much trouble getting to this dashboard so I could actually blog!!! There is so much going on in my life, and I really don't have time to go into it right now. More than the time factor, I don't have the energy or the heart. I'll just ask for your hugs and prayers right now. Suffice it to say that I feel very unsatisfied and unfulfilled at this point in my life. I know God is calling, but maybe I'm too scared to see the road clearly? Or maybe His call is part of my need to continue the practice of patience. I'm so much the "hurry up" and "I want to know tomorrow yesterday" type A personality. Hi. My name is Karla and I'm a control freak. But I'm completely out of control right now. Sigh... Well, not completely...it just feels that way. It's spring and I get into a funk every spring, because of triggers from the past that I still fall prey to. Okay, geesh, I feel so discombobulated with this. Don't ask what the point is. I'm not sure. If you find one, let me know. Please. Okay? Not sure if I'm going to leave this up. There's nothing real deep, or Godly, or holy, or mentally, emotionally, or spiritually uplifting or thought-provoking here. Just a rambling of my present self. Adios... And prayers with you too!

Transfer from 2nd blog

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Okay, I'll try this again. Here I was all set to begin anew this year and try to increase my blogging. I am at work 4 nights a week, more time than I'm at home it feels! :( At any rate, unaware of the plethora of glitches the new blogger had, I switched my old blog over. And now, it's disappeared. Well, it's still there I think, but I can't find it. And I can't add comments to any friends blogs, and I'm just plain frustrated. But that seems to be the name of my game anymore... So, here I am again. I just decided to set up a new blog. And if I can eventually, import my old blog here, so be it, if not...it's lost in a sea of cyber never land. So, that's my creative and oh so wonderful start! Let the blogging begin! --Karla

Thoughts for a New Year

Prayers that your 2007 may be blessed my friends! In this day of new beginnings, I am again reminded of the need to "just be" more often. To just be still, to just be real, to just be okay with things that I can't change in any way, and to just be active in the things I can (hmmm...serenity prayer anyone?!). One thing I'd like to do more with is my blog...I think I'll start now!

I've recently been introduced to several new cyber pals...brothers and sisters who I closely relate with on faith matters and others with whom I differ, but am enjoying a fresh perspective, open dialogue that is building new understandings. I am being challenged to grow deeper in my relationships, both with my Holy Father, and with those around me, in "real space" and "cyber space." In today's sermon at CCP, we were challenged to move from MySpace to GodSpace. To allow God His rightful place at the helm of our life, daily, not just for an hour on Sunday mornings. Having grown up in a church-going family, I learned that Sunday morning was special. My folks didn't make a huge presentation out of "bringing God home from church." But through my mom's regular reading of The Upper Room at some point during the day, usually as a pre-meal mediation; through my parents' efforts to personalize prayers and not just okay the "cookie cutter" prayers that are useful as a jumping off point to introduce young ones to prayer; and through their faith lived in real time before my eyes, I learned that God was at home with me. As a young child, I considered Jeus to be my best friend at a time when I felt I had no other real friends. My parents had a painting of Jesus the Shepherd, tending His flock above their bed. I used to imagine that I was the sheep He cradled so gently in his arms. Though in some ways, that memory is painful, it is comforting. And it seems a fitting theme to begin 2007 with. My prayer this day is to be mindful of the gentle Shepherd's guiding, to be open and willing to follow where He leads, and to remember that even when I'm lost, my God knows right where I am and will rescue me if only I allow Him to! May you also find peace and blessing in this concept! --Karla

Wandering thoughts...

Sigh...it's another day far from Paradise. I pray God will touch today and help me focus on His purpose for my existance, that the words of Jeremiah 29:11 truly echo in my being, and that I may testify to His love and grace. I'm at a point of feeling overwhelmed, tired, a bit hopeless (okay, at times, a lot!), and just not centered. I know I need my Redeemer to redeem me. I need to bring myself into His holy presence and surrender my whole self to HIm, to His will for me...I've been particularly impatient lately and so quick to do it "my way."

How often do we all do that...try to do things our own way, that is? Based on recent conversations, I think most of us are so determined to save the world OUR way that we completely miss God's point, HIS way!!! I have enough head knowledge and determination to push myself through this heart-wrenching saga called "life" right now. But then, I'm just existing, barely surving, and certainly not thriving and living abundantly. How on earth can someone see God's gracious, unending abundance when they look at my stingy, selfish control? They can't! The ancient prayer "Lord I believe, help thou my unbelief" comes to mind. I can't deny my faith, but I sure need to allow it to be strengthened to counter my unbelief. When we seek to find our faith center, that intimate space in our hearts where we only allow God, then we can be transformed. God wants to offer us a heart transplant...just as a surgical procedure, it won't be without pain and recoverey, but once established...WOW!!! I've never been more amazed than when I felt so touched by His power. So now I seek that power again...Lord Jesus, transform me, make me an instrument of your peace, grant me patience, love, courage, and wisdom. Amen and amen.

Justice, Mercy, and Grace

I recently was given a quote from Dr. David Jeremiah...Justice is getting exactly what you deserve, mercy is with-holding exactly what you deserve, and grace is getting gifts you certainly don't deserve. How true! We hear so much in this day about giving or achieving justice. How about granting mercy? Or better yet, offering grace? That isn't to say that justice is a bad thing per se, but... why can't we be more forgiving, patient, loving? After all, our God is indeed a God of second chances! I haven't had the chance to see the new movie with Michael W. Smith "The Second Chance," but I've seen enough clips and have the soundtrack to know that it's a good portrayal of the second chance we get from our Creator. I'm so grateful that I'm not judged for the honest mistakes that I seek to learn from and not repeat. But what about those things I keep doing wrong? What about my constant, insatiable quest for control? My power crazed approach to things? Justice would already have me stricken...I AM guilty as charged! Yet, again, and again, God keeps forgiving me...and calling me to forgive those I've been hurt by...and calling me to seek forgiveness from those whom I've wounded. The mercy and grace I get are amazing, beyond measure. It's not something I deserve, but God loves me and wants good things for me. So, he sent His son to take my place on the cross. Have you seen the bumper sticker 1 cross+3 nails=4given? That's mercy and grace! And for that, I'm so very, very grateful! I'm relieved and calmed, healed and renewed. His joys abound around me, in me, through me. I can sing and dance, share love, and try to reflect His light to others. To borrow from Amy Grant, I pray people see My Father's Eyes in me! May you be blessed this day my friends! --Karla

Wandering distant paths
Where the future lies
And past collides
The precious present
Is elusive yet cunning
It beckons and calls
Yet, I turn away
Unknowing
Full of fear and doubt
How can I embrace today?
When yesterday hurts so bad?
And tomorrow holds uncertainty?
The distant path is not
The road less travelled
It's a familiar place
I trod with unfortunate frequency
I wander...
I wonder...
--Karla
10-21-05

Why must people be so rude?

I'm so tired of disrespect every which way I turn. It's on t.v., it's on the radio, it's in my workplace (and not just from the clients we serve!), sad to say, it's in my family and in church. Trying to clean up my own act is incredibly difficult when surrounded by such negative influences. Moving beyond the mundane profanity into the sacredness of holy living is a goal which I've yet to achieve. Yet, I must keep striving. I've seen the rewards of respect from me and towards me (though I know I can't control others, I can influence them by my choice of attitude.

I recently had a specialized training at work and was reminded of a concept I'd been introduced to years ago, but had long since forgotten...the FISH! Philosophy. The FISH! Philosophy and its four principles — Be There, Play, Make Their Day and Choose Your Attitude-- makes sense! Being able to be attentive to what matters and be present for people, physically AND mentally (be there) is crucial for me to practice. It's a sign of respect to give others the attention they deserve. And though I hate loving to lament about the problems of others (hey it's my job, give me a break!), I have to keep focussing back on myself. That sometimes their problem is ME...if I can practice being more real, more aware, more present and just BE THERE for them, it could make a difference. And if it doesn't make a difference for them, it most certainly will for me!

I usually have no problem remembering to play...or do I? It seems we all get so involved in our work that having fun is at the bottom of the totem pole. And sometimes the things we intend to have fun with end up turning into work. I'm often guilty of turning what's supposed to be a fun activity into a long, drawn out ordeal that leaves me feeling drained and used before I even get to start it. I know I'm not alone in that experience! Stopping to smell the flowers in front of the house, enjoying the rainbows on our couch from the sun shining through the prism that hangs in our front window, creating silly stories with and for my kids, playing the "cloud game" as we drive down the road, having a tickle war in the middle of tears...these are the stuff my kids will remember. They are the kinds of things I remember from my childhood. They are fun, they are PLAY!

So how do you make someone's day? When I think of the phrase "make my day, " I think of lines from old movies, cops and robbers shows, shows where bouncers tell the bad guys "go ahead, make my day." Yet, that's making a negative day. How about doing random acts of kindness? How about giving someone a phone call "just because?" How about leaving a $5 bill instead of a quarter for the tip for your morning coffee? What things make your day just a bit brighter? What makes your heart sing? What are we doing to make our day for God? Are you getting bogged down in a sea of discontent? Or are we trying to make our day for God? When I try to have my "Father's Eyes," as sung by Amy Grant a few moons ago, my day goes better. And those around me see the difference in me...and often that helps make their day good too.

Do you choose your attitude? Or do you say "that made me feel bad," giving the responsibility to someone or something else? I've been in a cynical funk lately. I haven't been stopping and conciously choosing to be positive, so by default, I've chosen to be quite negative. Have you ever heard "not choosing is a choice?" It's so true! What attitude will you choose today? Will you determine to be a blessing unto others? Will you reach out with love and compassion, the same love and compassion that Christ showed you and I? Once again, I'll choose love, respect, responsibility, compassion, and joy. Once again, I'm sure I'll stumble and fall on this path. So long as I don't blame anyone else, then it'll be easier to reach my hand out for God's support and get back up and keep going onward...toward the goal. To win the race isn't to come in first, it's to have the attitude of victory throughout, to choose an attitude of committment. How I go about my day is determined by the attitude I possess. What attitude will you choose today?